Ted Talking
by hunchbak
Summary: Based on true events.


And then we found out  
That anything could happen...  
-Lights [Ellie Goulding]

* * *

I woke up to yet another promising day. The air smelt fresh and sunlight poured in between the curtains in a playful fashion. Besides me on the bed were a lot of accessories simple indicating the emptiness in my life.

_A book, How to not cook like a MasterChef. _

_Headphones, broken. _

_A purple sock. _

_Silver bottle caps. _

_A yellow piece of folded paper._

I wondered how most of it had got besides me on my bed. I only recognized the book which was at the edge almost waiting to touch the floor.

Bham!

_The book fell? _

_No. _

My bedroom door was slammed open by-

"Who's that? And why bother this innocent bloke at the break of dawn?" I muttered.

Barney just stared and walked inside. He took a good look around the room, which I realized wasn't mine but his.

_How did I-_

"Why are you in my apartment?" asked Barney with a curious expression stuck on his face like an annoying feather that has the mass potential of tickling you to death.

I reply, "I am wondering the same. God! Stop with that look. I feel like a mess."

"Of course you do, brah!" said my friend. There was a pause, "You don't remember a thing about yesterday do you?"

"Oh no no no no no," I say.

_Danger zone. _

_Whenever Barney says that-_

"Ha! You don't!" he exclaimed.

_It only means trouble. _

_Terrible._

"This is hilarious," said he.

_Very terrible. _

I tried to get out of my bed and pull out the sheets stuck under me at the same time.

I fell.

Right in front of Barney Stink-son.

_All perfectly suited. _

_And booted. _

_Shiny to the toe. _

I managed to sit on the floor with him standing magnificently before me.

_Awkward._

Barney walked around and stopped right in front of the window.

The sunlight that looked wonderful moments ago seemed to do advantage to Barney. He looked like a modern God with light pouring all around his frame.

_Unnerving. _

"Ted, my boy," Barney started.

I looked up. I was ready for Barney to declare the verdict.

_Last night was legen- _

_Wait for it. _

"What happened last night?" asked simply Barney.

_What?_

"What?" I buzzed.

"Yeah. How on earth did you end up here? Why were you on my bed. And what is that on it?"

_What?_

"Com'on man!" Barney protested.

_What?_

"The only artifacts that have been on that mattress besides me are naked women."

_He doesn't know?_

Barney continued "Sexy, hot and horny women."

_Why doesn't he know?_

"Woman who want me."

_He must be joking. _

"Want my body real bad."

_Barney too must have had a hangover._

"Hey, Ted?"

_Real bad hangover. _

"What the hell is wrong, man?"

I suddenly looked up at him. He was still standing in his Greek-god like position gazing at me with an air of amazement.

A finally said, "Barney! Don't you remember how I ended up here?"

Barney chuckled. His chuckle, in my opinion is the classic one. Perfectly leaving his mouth, not too long to sound like a scoff. Not too short to be missed.

"Of course not, Ted!" he said, "How would I know? I've been away for the past week. Hawaii, remember?"

_Oh! Exactly, Barney plus Hawaii plus lot of sex. _

_How could I forget._

"Of course I remember, Barney."

Right," said Barney, "Then what are you doing here. Did you fire your brains off for some hot white chick from down at the strip club?"

_No. _

_Not just a girl._

_Then._

_Who?_

_Why can't I remember anything?_

"I can't remember anything."

Barney chuckled again. He walked away from the window-

_Finally._

-And sat down beside me on the floor.

_Ugh._

"Are you alright, wing man?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'm not having a hangover. No headache, nothing. I just dont remember what happened last night or the whole of yesterday for that matter."

"Hmm," pondered Barney, gazing at the contents on the bed. "We've clues. What say detective, wanna investigate with me?"

_Uh…_

_I feel dumb. _

_Like._

_Like?_

_Like a blonde busty bimbo._

_Exactly!_

"Alright," I mutter.

Barney smiled, "you never know. It could lead us to a dumb blonde chick's apartment. It's gonna be legen-"

_Waiting for it._

"Dery!" completed Barney.

I got up and finally picked up the silver bottle caps. They smelt like-

_Chocolates?_

_No._

_What then?_

_Roasted chicken?_

_Obviously not, you dick head._

_Hmm._

_So what then?_

_A little tangier._

_Like…Orange?_

_Orange, yes!_

I counted them to be seven. Placing them down on the bed, I pick up the note.

_Well, here goes. _

I looked up at Barney who beamed at me like a five year old. Slowly, after a dramatic breath of crisp air I opened the note.

It read, "What would you do to be happy?"


End file.
